(I’m guest-blogging today on Bookaddict4real. I thought I’d share it here as well.)
http://www.bookaddict4real.com/
People who know me know my consumption of chemicals was pretty robust at one time. Shooting crystal meth (1 ½ years), dropping acid (200+ times), smoking pot (daily, for years), drinking alcohol (daily, for many, many years). I had a nice mind-mess going, and despite a little time in jail for sale of the some of the above-named substances, I had no intention of stopping.
At one point during these early years I decided I wanted to direct movies and videos, so I went to NYU Film School. One of the mandatory courses was Screenwriting 101. I begged to get out of it—I had no talent for telling stories—but mandatory is mandatory.
If you write, especially if you write fiction, you probably know what happened the first time I tried to create something. Even if you just read fiction, you know what I experienced—a kind of mesmerizing dream-state, a kind of alchemical, mind-melting trance. The blogger Laurel Marshfield has a good post on writing as entrancement (http://tinyurl.com/2ehv6ng), and I think entrancement is a good word for describing what happens. Even if you write and read non-fiction, when you’re deeply into a text, you feel as if your head is turning to butter like it did when a story was read to you as a child.
In other words, I was getting high on writing. Just like I’d get high on drugs. In terms of finding that entranced, lightly hypnotic, taken-away feeling, the writing high and the drug high have a lot in common.
Right away this presented a problem. I liked the writing high, I liked the drug high. Trouble was, I couldn’t do both at the same time. The writing high is a controlled state. The drug high is an uncontrolled and often wildly unpredictable state. Whenever I tried to write when I was stoned I’d get a serious case of entrancement-clash.
So I had to decide between the two. The choice might sound ridiculous now, but it was soul-searchingly serious at the time. Eventually I went with writing—it was free, it was legal, and you didn’t have to carry a gun to cop it.
I think I reached the right decision. Once I made up my mind, I never did drugs again. I loved writing too much to let any bizarre drug static interfere. A lot of times in recovery they tell you to get addicted to something that won’t kill you. For me it was writing. Not only did the word-high get me clean, in time it gave me the tools I needed to make a living as a magazine writer and editor.
The alcohol? That took a lot longer to kick. The entrancement level of booze is nowhere near as powerful as the drugs, so there was no competition with the writing and I had to use rehab and 12-steps to find my freedom. But that’s a different story, a different drug. Still, I think my battle with the bottle was helped by my fight with the needle. I’d chosen writing, and I’d saved my life.
November 30th, 2010 at 2:34 am
thanks Richard for your honesty and sharing your experiences with us. hats off to you! c”,)
November 30th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Thank you for this. Very moving.
December 1st, 2010 at 12:11 am
OH, Richie, this is so amazing, it made me cry. I never knew how you kicked and this is the best thing I ever heard. When are you going to write This Story? It definitely needs to be told, Love, Sharon
December 1st, 2010 at 12:15 am
Oh Richie, this is so amazing, it made me cry. I never knew how you kicked and this is the best thing I ever heard. When are you going to write THIS STORY? It definitely needs to be told! Love, Sharon
December 1st, 2010 at 1:23 am
Very powerful, Richard. Very touching too. Some people I know could benefit from your pain and wisdom and courage. I am going to send it on.
Dick Stolley
December 1st, 2010 at 2:11 am
Richard, I was glad to read this. -ned
December 1st, 2010 at 2:12 am
Wow Richard! What an honest, powerful and uplifting story. You might want to revisit screenwriting concept. Imagine the possibilities!
December 1st, 2010 at 3:07 am
Richard–What a great and inspiring post! Thanks so much for sharing.
December 1st, 2010 at 6:02 am
I kicked my writing for drugging. And rehab is for quitters. Kidding of course. And I can. Been there, done that… no further uncloaking required. Anyways some can look back and be amazed… others look back and get all soppy inside. Me, well I’m just seeing what fellow Smashwords authors are up to and I enjoyed your post. It resonates with lots of black resin from the ancient days of smoke-filled closets:) Swing on by sometime. I like visitors who try to write while stoned. That must be like trying to read while on LSD. DAMN! Is any of this real??? Peace, man!
December 1st, 2010 at 11:46 am
Richard, this is very profound and moving. I am going to post it on my page.
December 1st, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Many thanks for you comments. Each one is an inspiration.
December 1st, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Great post, Richard. William S. Burroughs (naturally) had a lot to say about the addictive power of writing, not all of it salutary. But you’re right about the rush (maybe that’s why I do it every day myself). Anyway, I’m glad it worked for your, and I applaud your courage and candor for telling this story.
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:14 am
There’s a bonus to writing. It can be very therapeutic, but I’m sure you’ve realized that. Great success story, and I appreciate your honesty. Congrats on all of your milestones!
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:21 am
Richard,
How I Kicked Drugs by Writing is a kick ass blog post.
Thanks for thinking of another addict when you sent out invitations.
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:47 am
Terrific and good for you! You made the right choice! 🙂
Julie
December 2nd, 2010 at 3:25 am
I’m pleased to have found this post, and I’m glad you made it out the other side, Richard. Glad to see you’re well and still putting it out there.
December 2nd, 2010 at 10:42 am
Richard, I’d say you are one of the “lucky” ones. But I’m sure that luck wasn’t the cause of your tranformation: I know what it took for you to make the decision to choose writing over addiction. Good for you, and . . . this is a great and inspirational post.
December 2nd, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Richard, I didn’t know about any of this! I always thought of you as an inspiring editor. But I had no clue just how inspiring until I read this.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Thanks for sharing this. It makes a lot of sense, actually. You really are truly inspirational.
December 4th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Wow, Richard, extremely brave of you. I always knew you were fascinating and edgy. Now I know why.
December 5th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Well done, Richard … Makes me want to catch up even more with your most recent writing.
December 5th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
omg. what a story. thanks for having the guts to share.